kean13

Looking back on the past month, it seems as though it was yesterday when I got in to the car at home and drove to my new home. I had lucked out on so much once again, perfect room, sweet room mates, the nicest of old friends, and ....possibly one of the best views outside my window. Sometimes closing the curtains creates a cozy quaint sense, but as they are opened, I smile at the overview of red, yellow and orange trees and vines on brick buildings, as well as the path of constant movement of people to and from class.

I never thought I would be able to survive in another environment other than home, but i've learnt such
a term is easily interchangeable, easier than I presumed.

The only thing that is missing, are my loved ones, the family that I have chosen- my friends.Although I miss more what we used to be, their presence seems like the missing fit in my university puzzle.

And of course, theres E. I'm amazed of the confidence I've gained of our relationship, as well as the level of security I and trust I have despite being in a different city. Its hard, but I wouldn't have it any other way. Relationships aren't easy, but it's the first thing that I enjoy working hard for. I won't worry about the future anymore, i'm a strong believer in whatever happens, happens for a reason. I know I'll be ready for whatever turn it takes.

"That is what I call dedication...wow"

i love you

From the first day of middle school, seeing the graduates at my school at the back of the gym, I always thought me getting to that stage was surreal. I knew it would happen one day..but it was so far from that point that I somehow thought it would never happen. Even to this day- 6 days until I leave for the next stage, it still seems so far away. It seems surreal, that I'll be waking up in a new bed, among different people, in fact it seems everything will change. Sometimes I think it's not that big of a deal, that I'm only an hour away from my old home, but other times i think I'm an hour away from what i know. But then again, why be nervous for something that I have no control over.
I'm so scared,anticipative ,nervous ,excited all rolled in one. I'm (in?)sane. (get it)

The only reason why I don't stop saying your name is because theres no closure. I apologized numerous times, even when not necessary.
Say your apologies, and i'll be gone.
Say it, mean it, thats all you have to do.


This is getting a bit ridiculous don't you think

goooooooooooooooo awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

There are two months until i leave the city and in many ways, many parts of my life. Which parts they may be, I'm not sure yet. What i sure of , however, is the relationships I wish to further and mature along with, even when I cannot see them for weeks at a time.
I receive comfort about the obvious. And know that people say its pointless to carry on something in university. I'm not one to shun away from reality in the blindness of strong emotions, yet I'd rather not let reality allow me to shun myself away from these strong feelings.
But, one thing I cannot get my mind off is the other person. I don't think I make them happy anymore, and I yearn for their company once again. I'm sorry. I know you're probably reading this, i think you were the only one to ever follow this page. I want us to be us again. I know we've both changed...and maybe I keep blowing the situation out of proportion, yet I suppose if the difference is not only obvious to me, but to other people, that maybe i have a realistic idea. Maybe if we stop trying to verbally force it back together again, it'll change?


I've only got two months left. Can we make it like things used to be?